Out of the Mouths of Babes

Just wanted to share a song H. sang at the end of morning prayers the other day. It was spontaneous, so I'm not sure I recorded exactly what she sang, but it was something like this:

The Lord is my Shepherd,
We are his lambs
He always takes care of us

When we sleep
He never goes to sleep
He watches me all through the night

He is our light
When He shines on us
He wakes us up

I especially loved the part about the Lord never sleeping and watching us through the night. I would do well to remember His presence like that myself.

On a lighter note, singing wasn't the only proclaiming that H. was doing this week. We told her on Thursday that she was going to have a new sibling in October, and she has made it her personal mission to inform everyone on campus that "My mommy has a baby in her belly."

I know it's good form to wait until the end of the first trimester to spread the good news, but we wanted the seminary community to know because they are our support group, and it sort of ballooned from there. I'm finding it a little ironic that the girl's name we have picked out is partially in honor of my maternal grandmother, and when I told her this evening that we're expecting, she gave me my first negative response I've had the whole time. It reminded me that it does look a bit crazy, to someone who just looks through practical eyes, to have a baby while the breadwinner is in seminary and unable to bring in any income, because babies are expensive and having one usually puts the mommy out of commission for at least awhile where she can't earn money either. I'm glad I'm not around a lot of people who only think like that right now too. I'm around people who think children are a blessing; the more the merrier; and if God sends you one, it has to be the right time. So thanks be to God for this little apple-seed-sized bit of life inside me.

I'm Famous! (Not Really)

Just wanted to give a shout out to the women's choir here at St. Vlad's (and to myself, indirectly, since I'm a member of the choir :) ).

You can read about us and hear clips from the service we sang in November at theSt. Vlad's Website.

Enjoy!

Thank You God for...

I can't remember exactly when we started doing this (sometime in 2009, I think), but one of the parts of our family prayer rule for morning prayers is to pause and have each person say thank you to God for something. I started it as a way to involve both girls in the prayers in a way they can understand (they already have assigned parts to sing) and stress the importance of gratitude.

At first I was impressed by the fact that H. often expressed thanks for things like icons or the cross, and then I became concerned that she was just putting on a show and wasn't really digging in to find something she was grateful for. I liked K. (who was at the time less than two years old)'s thank yous for food or going swimming. They seemed more concrete, more like things a small child would be thankful for.

Over time, even K.s thank yous started to include mostly religious themes, and this morning, as I listed to her thank God for Saint Columba (whose icon card she was holding at the time) I realized just how appropriate those kinds of statements of gratitude are. There we are, standing in our icon corner, surrounded by crosses, prayer books, oil, holy water, the Bible, and images of holy people. Of course the girls would be thankful for those things and what they represent. They are living only in the moment and place in which they find themselves and they are thankful for it. Glory to God for that!

All in the Timing

Our weeks here at seminary this semester have been flying by. I regret that I haven't had (or at least haven't taken) time to record the things we've experienced, especially the blessings, but here are a few:

At the beginning of November, I got to attend the Pan-Orthodox Clergy Wives' Retreat at Antiochian Village, held in memory of Kh. Joanne Abdullah. The guest speakers were Mother Christophora, of The Monastery of the Transfiguration in Ellwood City, PA (otherwise known as the holy land :) ), and Mat. Juliana Schmemman. The topic for the weekend was "How to Be a Clergy Wife and Still Go to Heaven." It was a blessing to be there among so many clergy wives who have endured for many years, and, of course to hear the speakers.

Around that time, the store in which I work finally got a new manager, after having had first an absentee one and then no manager from the time I arrived. There had been a lot of chaos there as a result of that lack of leadership and the staffing issues that were already present before the previous manager resigned, so it was such a blessing to have a good, solid leader come in and start to help things take shape.

I've really struggled with maintaining my 4:30 - 8:30 a.m. shift during the weekdays, but it was still better than working all afternoon and evening, which I had been doing before; I kept wanting to quit the job because of various reasons, which I won't enumerate here (but you can ask me if you really want to know), not the last of which was: I wanted to enjoy this short experience of being a seminary family living in an Orthodox community. It took a long time for me to go over the edge and actually quit because I didn't want to leave for the wrong reasons, I didn't want to give up the steady income, even if it wasn't a lot, and I didn't want to leave the people I worked with even more understaffed than they already were. It took my getting very sick in mid-November and spending two weeks getting well again to make me realize that maybe working 17-hour days (between the store, babysitting the child of another Seminary family, doing work around the house, and cutting hair) is not what I've been called to do. Physical stamina and a high energy level are neither one gifts I've been given. I have to do the best I can with the gifts I have been blessed with.

The day I decided, in the middle of my illness, to quit for sure, we received an unexpected check in the mail; maybe I'm just being silly, but that encouraged me to go ahead and let go of the job. It reminded me that I am not in control. Since that time, we've been told by three families that they are going to start supporting us every month, which, as long as they are faithful, will almost make up for what we'll lose from my paycheck. Now if only someone would promise to send us coffee for free... ( :) ) My last day at Starbucks will be December 11th, if all goes as planned.

Another blessing, related to the wonderful community here, is that my 4-year-old has been able to take ballet and art classes for free as part of our homeschool co-op; in addition, she gets to go to church school every week and have Kids' Cafe after Liturgy every Sunday (a snack time with presentations from the priest who led the liturgy that day and a Q & A time with him).

I can't say enough good things about both the formal Spouses' Program here at St. Vlad's (which has brought us speakers like Metropolitan Jonah and introduced topics like Clergy Taxation Laws) and the more informal Women's Group, in which we've recently learned such things as how to make knots for prayer ropes and how to bake prosphora bread and how it is used. I never cease to be amazed at the truly wonderful things I'm getting to learn about and hear just by virtue of being here.

The Women's Choir, of which I am a member, also had its debut at Vespers on November 21st. I'm told there should be an article about it, with audio clips of the choir and photos, on the www.svots.edu website soon. It certainly was a challenge to prepare for, but I'm told we sounded "angelic." Of course, that's nothing if we did not help to draw souls heavenward, which I pray that we did.

Finally, just this evening about 22 of the women on campus had a lenten recipe swap and movie night. I'll try to let you know how the new recipes are as I try them. Even in that, it's a blessing to know that I'm not the only one who struggles to find fast-friendly meals that taste good and are filling, inexpensive, and easy to make. In the words of another wife here on campus, "Sometimes you just need a little help from your friends!"

A Trip to the City

We had visitors (my mother-in-law and aunt-in-law) during Thanksgiving week and decided, in the midst of the debate about whether or not to try to attend the Macy's parade on Thanksgiving, that it might be better to go into Manhattan on Wednesday and see what there was to see. Restaurant reservations were accordingly made for an early lunch at said aunt's favorite restaurant (over a month in advance, I might add). So I got off work at 8:30 a.m. on Wednesday morning and began the rounds to pick everyone up. I picked up my husband at home - check. I picked up our stroller from the patio - check. I picked up my mother-in-law and my children from the hotel - check. Coats to combat the cold, windy day - not checked.

Then we headed to the Crestwood train station, naively thinking that there would be some solution for parking a car there the whole day while a person traipsed into the city. Should I have known better? Probably. I'm know I've heard people talk about going to certain stations to park all day, but the information didn't stick with me until I experienced myself that nowhere at or even on a side street near the train station is there a spot where a person can pay to park for more than four hours at a time. No problem - surely there's a paid garage, right? Let's ask the GPS unit to find us a parking garage. We did, and it led us to a very nice house (which was definitely not a parking garage) right near seminary. So we went with plan D, which was to park at the seminary and walk back to the train station. This caused us to arrive at the station after all the closer-together morning trains had already departed, so we had to wait 45 minutes for the next train. Still, once it came, we got on and rode into Grand Central Terminal with no problem.

Thank God that, once we arrived at Grand Central, my mother-in-law had the brilliant idea to feed the children something before we launched out to find the restaurant, which, according to my printed schedule, should only take us about 15-20 minutes to get to. Our first mistake after that was to not ask anyone which way to go while we were still inside the Terminal. If we had, they likely would have directed us to (a) BUY A METRO CARD DAY PASS, which gets you access to buses and subways for the entire day and is the only way you can pay to ride these and (b) not go outside and wander around like idiots for an hour when we could take a shuttle and a subway and be there in a few minutes.

As it was, we exited Grand Central on the wrong side of the building, had to march around it in the freezing wind with no coats on, wait for our bus, which we then could not ride because we did not have MetroCards, wait in the freezing wind some more for my husband to go buy said cards, get on the bus and ride for 15 minutes in what turned out to be the wrong direction, get off (because it was at the end of the line), and wait for the exact same bus and driver to pick us up and take us the other direction. We got off the bus and started trying to figure out how to make our next connection. We must have had dazed, lost looks on our faces, because a kind New Yorker asked if we needed help and then helped us figure out that our connection was to a subway train and how to get into the station. We rode that subway to the closest spot we could find to our destination, and then had to run (you guessed it, in the freezing wind again) a few blocks to try to make it to the restaurant before they closed between lunch and supper. All told it had taken us from 9 a.m., when I picked up the hotel-dwellers until after 1:30 p.m. to get to the restaurant, which is less than a 30-minute drive from where we started.

You might think that by then we would have been humble enough to just ask how to get where we were going next, but I really did try to be self-sufficient one more time, as I spent about 5 minute studying the subway map in my travel guide before giving up and asking the coat-check attendant how to get to Times Square. It's a good thing that I did, because I was totally off.

After that, it was smooth sailing (because we asked people how to get where we wanted to go!) The only other hitch is that we almost missed our train home (and would have had to wait another half hour) because we assumed that we had to conver the off-peak tickets we bought earlier to peak tickets before we could get on the train. As it turns out, you can pay the ticket-taker on the train for this difference in fares (which we would have known if we had asked someone!)

So, if you're planning a trip to Manhattan, especially if you plan to use public transportation (which you should probably do, since parking is atrocious - been there, done that) these are the lessons you should take away from our experience: 1. Buy a Metro Card for each person over age 5 that you're traveling with. It's your key to an amazing world of "free" transportation; 2. Bring a coat, even if you think you won't need one; and, most importantly, 3. If you don't know where you're going or how to get there, or even if you think you do (because you have a map, guidebook, or pre-printed directions from the MTA website) - JUST ASK!

Belated Thanksgiving Post

I suppose that one way in which I can be sure to pick "just the right words" is to use someone else's. So I give you here the Thanksgiving homily of Father Alexander Schmemann, delivered just before his death in 1983. This is read as the homily in the Thanksgiving Liturgy each year at St. Vladimir's (and in other parishes as well, I hear):

Everyone capable of thanksgiving is capable of salvation and eternal joy.

Thank You, O Lord, for having accepted this Eucharist, which we offered to the Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and which filled our hearts with the joy, peace and righteousness of the Holy Spirit.

Thank You, O Lord, for having revealed Yourself unto us and given us the foretaste of Your Kingdom.

Thank You, O Lord, for having united us to one another in serving You and Your Holy Church.

Thank You, O Lord, for having helped us to overcome all difficulties, tensions, passions, temptations and restored peace, mutual love and joy in sharing the communion of the Holy Spirit.

Thank You, O Lord, for the sufferings You bestowed upon us, for they are purifying us from selfishness and reminding us of the “one thing needed”: Your eternal Kingdom.

Thank You, O Lord, for having given us this country where we are free to Worship You.

Thank You, O Lord, for this school, where the name of God is proclaimed.

Thank You, O Lord, for our families: husbands, wives and, especially, children who teach us how to celebrate Your holy Name in joy, movement and holy noise.

Thank You, O Lord, for everyone and everything.

Great are You, O Lord, and marvelous are Your deeds, and no word is sufficient to celebrate Your miracles.

Lord, it is good to be here! Amen.

These were the words of a dying man. O Lord, teach us all to be so thankful for whatever You bring to us.

(If you would like to read excellent commentary on this topic, I refer you to Fr. Stephen Freeman's blog, Glory to God for All Things, in his Thanksgiving Post for this year.)

Thanks Be to God

I just paid our bills this morning, and while bill-paying isn't usually something we think of as a cause for thanksgiving, I was so thankful to be able to pay our bills. I am first thankful to God (glory to Him for all things), but I wanted to extend that thank you to those of you who have supported us this month and at previous times as well.

In a way, it is a kind of blessing to not know from month to month who God is going to move to help us so that we can do things like buy groceries or pay our car note. God would still be wonderful if He did not do it. Our friends would still be dear to us if they did not give. Our family would still be cherished even if they did not help at all. We can only look a few days or weeks into the future knowing how things will go, financially and otherwise. After that, it's a fog - unpredictable, hiding what we cannot see, leading us in directions we cannot now imagine. It's the way I often idealize and say that life should be, but unless I'm forced into it, as I am now, I rarely choose to not know what my next step should be.

On a different note, would you please pray for our friend, Tami? She is expecting their fourth child and has strep throat. Her husband is a student here as well, and they are dealing with the double dilemma of her sickness and not wanting any of their children, who all stay at home with Tami, to get sick. Lord have mercy.